Jealousy (SSR)

"Jealousy is just love and hate at the same." Jealousy is a crazy topic.

To love is to be completely and utterly amazed by a person or thing that you can't even bare to understand it all. To love a person has to apply a great amount of effort and focus on one thing. You have to know, feel, and understand this one thing until it becomes a second nature to you. To love or be in love someone has to posses a certain amount of feelings that puts this other thing at the basis of their lives. Not everyone can love and not everyone can hate. Hate is the exact opposite of love. Just as strong but even more dangerous, to hate you have to sit somewhere and ponder on one thing but with a negative feeling.

This is why I don't understand jealousy. In order to be jealous you first have to know what it is about a person that you like. Something about them that you absolutely love. Then you have to hate it. You have to want it for yourself so bad that it makes you mad. Isn't that tiring? How don't you get over it? How can somebody sit there and study somebody to the point that they're mad. Who does that? Who has the time for that?

I guess I can understand not liking somebody. OK that person annoys you or you just don't like them for some reason. That's fine. Or even to like somebody, you like their style or what they do. But to be jealous? How? That's too many feelings, too much effort into one thing. And then to not know whether or not you even like it. You don't know if you hate them or if you wanna be them. I don't get it. Drake probably summed it up perfectly but that's just to much for me.

Friends (PB)

I remember when there was a time that I called anybody I spoke to my friend. If you made me laugh you was my friend. If we liked the same music you were my friend. If we had the same favorite color you was my friend. There was a simpler time when any type of similarity made you my friend. During this time I had A LOT of friends. Everybody was my friend, at least that's what I thought. Only a few years ago I had a boatload of friends. Today I pretty much stand alone. There may be a few people I talk to everyday but who's really my friend? How do you even define a friend?

This is a time where the same "friend" who you would exchange deep secrets with is the same "friend" that would defame your name. The hardest challenge is probably knowing who is really your friend and who is just around for the time being. I have had friends that made new friends and completely left me out of the equation. After these friends I had a friend who helped defend me against those old friends. As time went on that same new friend became a new enemy.


Having gone through this I wonder if the people with me now are even my real friends. Who's going to be there 10 years from now? Who's going to be here 10 days from now? But worrying about this also makes me wonder if this is a "live in the moment" lesson. Should I be worried about where my peers are in the future or have fun with the ones with me today?